Life is hard
by BrokenWishes95
Summary: Inner molologue of Santana's emotional childhood and teenage life.


**A/N: I don't own Glee **

Life is hard. It is something that I realised from a young age. I was just known as Santana Lopez, the girl with the stupid name and ugly face. Even at young age I wondered why life is so hard. Until I was twelve years old, I didn't know the meaning of friendship, love or family because I hadn't experienced any of them.

Throughout primary school I only had one friend, and she used me. Everyone else didn't want to associate themselves with a freak. I admitted a long time ago that I was weird.

The first song which I sung in front of my mum was very emotional and came from a place of hurt.

_Every day is so wonderful__  
><em>_And suddenly, it's hard to breathe__  
><em>_Now and then, I get insecure__  
><em>_From all the pain,__  
><em>_I'm so ashamed___

_I am beautiful no matter what they say__  
><em>_Words can't bring me down__  
><em>_I am beautiful in every single way__  
><em>_Yes, words can't bring me down, oh no__  
><em>_So don't you bring me down today___

_To all your friends you're delirious__  
><em>_So consumed in all your doom__  
><em>_Trying hard to fill the emptiness,__  
><em>_The pieces gone,__  
><em>_Left the puzzle undone,__  
><em>_Ain't that the way it is?___

_You are beautiful no matter what they say__  
><em>_Words can't bring you down, no, no__  
><em>_You are beautiful in every single way__  
><em>_Yes words can't bring you down, oh, no__  
><em>_So don't you bring me down today___

_No matter what we do__  
><em>_(no matter what we do)__  
><em>_No matter what we say__  
><em>_(no matter what we say)__  
><em>_We're the song inside the tune__  
><em>_(yeah, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)__  
><em>_Full of beautiful mistakes__  
><em>_And everywhere we go__  
><em>_(and everywhere we go)__  
><em>_The sun will always shine__  
><em>_(sun will always, always shine)__  
><em>_But tomorrow we might awake__  
><em>_On the other side___

_'Cause we are beautiful,__  
><em>_No matter what they say__  
><em>_Yes, words won't bring us down, oh no__  
><em>_We are beautiful in every single way__  
><em>_Yes, words can't bring us down, oh no__  
><em>_So don't you bring me down today___

_Don't you bring me down today__  
><em>_Don't you bring me down..._

When I was twelve years old, I moved schools because of the bullies and the hurt. 4 weeks before I started to go to McKinley High, I wanted to kill myself. When I look back at it now, I wondered why people ever treated me like that. What did I ever do wrong to them? My suspicion is I got bullied because I was different, and in their world, being different is lethal. I didn't want to be one of those active, pretty, know it all girly girls because I knew I wasn't one of them. I could never fit in with that sort of crowd. But then again, I never got the chance to find out if I did fit in. Having no friends was lonely, no one who I could just sit down with and have a proper conversation without holding anything back. I still feel like that every now and then. I've been friends with Mercedes, Brittany and Santana for 4 years and I still was somehow lonely.

Only when I went to high school and met all my best friends, did I realise how much of a bitch I am. I realised my true talents were singing, bitching at the haters and making other people feel better even if it did bring me down.

When I moved to McKinley, after two years of being there, I still got shit, for not having a boyfriend, for being friends with weird people, and most of all, for being friends with a lesbian. Brittany was a Lesbian, and was my best friend out of the group. Since I always stuck up for her when people were being mean to her because of her sexuality, I always stepped in and gave them a what for. It's who I am. I got told by my mum that I am 'the over protective, don't care about myself kind of girl'. She was right; I don't give a shit about myself. My goal in life is to make others around me happy. At first when I transferred, all of the girls what I'm friends with got bullied, and I stepped in. This is what got the attention of Noah Puckerman.

We were known as 'Pucktana' or 'Suck'. When we started going out, everyone though I was cool and would be part of their crowd but I didn't, and would never, abandon my friendship for love or popularity. I didn't, and still don't, understand how people can. Although we were going out, I didn't love him.

But out of the relationship and being a cheerleader, one thing came out of it. I showed all those bastards who put me down and told me I was a freak. So far it's been the only time in my life when I felt something to be proud of.

Now onto a different subject, and that subject is Rachel Berry. I loathed her from the moment I met her. This was only because she spread a rumour about me on my first day at McKinley. She wasn't much more popular than I was (and I was a loser back then). Apart from the rumour, I hated her for another reason.

And that reason was Brittany.

After a week of starting the new school, I was best friends with her. This was the time when I found out what friendship really meant, and Rachel was jealous of our friendship and tried to get between it.

While I started during the second year of McKinley, Rachel started half way during the first, and she was jealous that I gained such a friendship in such a short amount of time. But seen as I'm not a natural hating person, I forgave her and tried my best to be nice but she shoved it back in my face.

As the years went on during High School, Rachel became more self-centred and weirder. Brittany always got pissed off at us for arguing, but thankfully, she never fell out with me. Time after time we argued because 'I was too close to Brittany'. And all that went through my head is 'what the fuck as it got to do with her?' Another reason why she hated me is because of the rumours that went around school about me being in love with Brittany because we were best friends. So my response to everyone asking if I love Brittany was 'can't I have a best friend anymore without being accused of having sex with her?

But what pissed me off most about her is that she got all in my face about me the 'Santana loves Brittany' rumour even though it was her who started them off.

Although I always said that I'd never wish hurt on anyone, this is the one person that had an exception on this wish. Well apart from my dad.


End file.
